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The Funny Comments Page
In response to absolutely no requests for it, I decided to put this up. The most recent funnies are on the bottom of the page.
Private Poole - amongst the Cold Force's finest when it comes to Drill...
<PVT_Poole>
::attn::
<PVT_Poole>
::slouches again::
Countermand those orders!
<LT1_Clarke>
EVERYBODY DOWN
<LT2_Harrison>
SHIT! ::hits the deck::
<PVT_Poole>
::drops::
<PVT_Bowman>
::drops::
Just my luck...
* LT1_Clarke
SETTING Harrison stumbles and falls into a 5 meter-deep pit in the side
of the passage.
<LT1_Clarke>
Stop! Man down!
<LT2_Harrison>
Eaargh!
<LT2_Harrison>
::crunch::
<LT2_Harrison>
AAAARGH!
5... 4... 3... 2... 1... 0!
<LT2_Harrison>
15 seconds!
<LT1_Clarke>
Poole, GO UP
* LT1_Clarke
SETTING The crack is wide enough for all of us to struggle through.
<LT2_Harrison>
-----<WHOOOOMP>-----
<LT2_Harrison>
Too late! Go!
* LT1_Clarke
SETTING A wall of fire races towards us.
"What are we supposed to use? Harsh language?"
<LT_Harrison>
::uses harsh language as his weapon - weapons fire could bring the place
down around us!::
* CPT_Wychin
ACTION Several bullets hit the snakeman and slow it down... it keeps on
coming
<PVT_Poole>
::fires brsts at hands::
<LT_Harrison>
Buggar off! Shoo! Go on, skit! Sod off! Stupid b*stard! Die! Fecker!
<CPT_Wychin>
::Keeps firing::
<PVT_Poole>
::keeps moving away::
<LT_Harrison>
Sod it... ::opens fire::
<PVT_Poole>
::reloads, keeps firing::
* CPT_Wychin
ACTION The unfortunate snakeman is quite insulted by Harrison's cursing
and collapses.
* CPT_Wychin
ACTION Probably more from the bullets than the curses, but still...
Poole gets poetic...
<PVT_Poole>
::The bullet shoots into the dark liquid eye, with the shimmering reflections
suddenly fragmenting as the hollowpoint round punches through the optic
nerve and drives deep into the reptilian brain::
<PVT_Poole>
<< Sorry. Had to>>
The foot sloggers - lifeblood of the military!
<Shim> Private
John Poole, dogface.
*** PVT_Poole
has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
<LT2_Harrison>
Dogface? Hmm.
<CPT_Wychin>
i think he means grunt
<CPT_Wychin>
:)
* LT2_Harrison
fails to find dogface on the roster
<LT2_Harrison>
I'll put you on as 'dogsbody'
<PVT_Bowman>
back
<Shim> Dogface.
Grunt. Groundpounder. Poor Bloody Infantry...
<Shim> :P
See, we DO work together!
* CPT_Wychin
ACTION KABOOM!
* LT2_Harrison
ACTION Splatter.
This shouldn't be happening! Not in a movie!
<PVT_Mendelev>
::lines up sight::
<PVT_Mendelev>
::pull trigger::
<PVT_Mendelev>
:recoil knocks him to the ground::
* CPT_Wychin
ACTION Plasma bolts fly towards Mendelev but don't quite hit, instead evaporating
snow all around him
* LT2_Harrison
ACTION The rocket soars gloriously forth on a plume of fire... and misses.
<LT2_Harrison>
Try again!
<LT2_Harrison>
Hurry!
<LT2_Harrison>
<<Oh, I am evil>>
<PVT_Mendelev>
::reloads:: last rocket...
If you can't get ops...
<LT1_Clarke>
All righty then...
<LT1_Clarke>
This bloody thing won't give me ops
<LT1_Clarke>
So I can't change the topic
<LT1_Clarke>
Just pretend it says 'SIM IN PROGRESS'
<LT1_Clarke>
ATTENTION!
Somebody's in the wrong place and time... and the wrong movie as well.
<CPT_Wychin>
::in fake western/southern US accent:: naw... there ain't nobody 'round
fuh miles...
<CPT_Wychin>
::chuckles::
<CPT_Wychin>
::looks around at the buildings::
<LT_Harrison>
::grins:: Yuh sure o' that, mis-ter?
<PVT_Kamiya>
It's...it's awfully quiet, sir...
<PVT_Heide>
::bites his lip and sets his rifle to semi-auto::
<CPT_Wychin>
Ah certainly am...
<PVT_Poole>
The Magnificent Five...
<LT_Harrison>
The Famous Five?
The Floaters do a little remodeling -
* CPT_Wychin
ACTION Buck's trophy shop is now "Buck's twisted, burning pile of wood"
I'm sure I'd react the same way -
<PVT_Heide>
::gives Kamiya an expression of how happy he is towards people who try
to raise a man with a nearly broken spine::
What the *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*?!?
<CPT_Wychin>
What the !@#\\$ is this !$%! down here!!
No, really! This isn't XCom!
* CPT_Wychin
ACTION There's a floater on the ground, shaking and screeching in pain
from multiple non-lethal wounds
<PVT_Kamiya>
Capture or kill, sir?
<CPT_Wychin>
::shakes his head::
<CPT_Wychin>
::Walks up to the floater::
<PVT_Poole>
::walks towards door::
<CPT_Wychin>
::draws his sidearm::
<PVT_Heide>
<<Sure,let's take him to the nearest alien containment and start
the psionic questioning!>>
Even 2nd Lieutenant Julius Heide enjoyed a prank or two in his day...
<PVT_Heide>
::ATTN:
<PVT_Svensson>
::attn::
<PVT_Mendelev>
::sneezes::
<PVT_McManus>
::attn::
<PVT_Bowman>
::attn::
<LT1_Harrison>
::ATTN::
<PVT_Heide>
<<Hehe,gotcha>>
<PVT_Mendelev>
::attn::
<CPT_Wychin>
idid I say anything?
<PVT_Poole>
::Attn::
<CPT_Irvine>
::attn::
<CPT_Wychin>
oh to hell with it
<PVT_Heide>
<<fooled them rookies =) >>
What can I say... when you've seen it all, you've seen it all.
<PVT_Bowman>::searches
her pockets for candy, scowling when she finds none::
<PVT_Poole>
::throws Bowman gum::
<PVT_Bowman>
::catches the gum, smiling her thanks at Poole::
<PVT_Svensson>
::looks at Bowman, mumbles something about gum being bad on a mission and
that it is only nonprofessionals who use it...::
Private Poole gives out a pearl of wisdom
<PVT_Poole>
<<Tip: Don't sit in slightly-small jeans for three hours. It may
cause horrific & unprecedented pain>>
And again, this time with a little more deep thought...
<PVT_Poole>
::wonders why a device designed to kill people messily has a safety::
The Captain can't get his country symbols right...
<CPT_Wychin
ACTION The vehicles have red stars on them>
<PVT_Heide>
<<According to Harrison in Naaro2 they're Russian tanks>>
<CPT_Wychin>
<<yes i know that>>
<LT1_Harrison>
<<"It becomes apparent that it was not a star at all, but a hammer
and sickle" ;-) >>
You knew this was gonna end up here, Heide -
<PVT_Heide>
::apathetically shits in place and accepts whatever future brings::
McManus after getting a little fried:
<PVT_McManus>
I told you, Kienas....
<PVT_McManus>
I hate Alaska..
As a soldier of the Cold Force, you are required to know the composition of the enemy forces...
<SQD_Kamiya>
...muton? What's a muton?
<SQD_S_Thornside>
I thought a muton was like some kinda beef dish ::mutters to herself::
<PVT_Irvine>
Its sheep....
Hey Poole, that IS pretty funny... well, funny enough to end up in here anyway...
<SQD_Poole>
So they're the fan, then. I think we've gotta be the shit...
Private McManus - he's so fast, he himself can't keep track of where he is...
<PVT_McManus>
::runs at the Yellow guy attacking the Captain, firing point blank at it's
back::
<CPT_Wychin>
<<McManus, you realize you're still on top of the hill, right?>>
Of course, neither can the Captain...
<PVT_McManus>
::gets all the way down the hill, and starts firing at the Yellow Guys
still::
<PVT_McManus>
::looks around the Muton corpses, wondering if he could make a dart for
one of their weapons::
* CPT_Wychin ACTION McManus is on top of the
hill...
* CPT_Wychin ACTION Then starts climbing down
<PVT_McManus> <<I climbed down>>
Is that desperation or determination, Tenchu?
<SQD_Tenchu2> WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE, DONT HOLD
ANYTHING BACK!
<LT1_Harrison> SHUT IT! We are NOT gonna
die!
<SQD_Tenchu2> Ech! Speak for yourself!
Kamiya: You want an appetizer with that, Poole? A sandwich, perhaps?
Poole: No, thank you, I will proceed directly to the intravenous injection
of hard drugs...
<SQD_Kamiya> ::gives the SGT an intravenous
injection of mild anaesthetic::
<SGT_Poole> Whooo... this stuff is *good*...
::grins::
<SQD_Kamiya> This may wear off...but it beats
losing consciousness...!
<SQD_Kamiya> ::hopes Poole didn't notice the
abundance of the drug in his med-pack::
Finally, Chabert understands the aliens' peaceful intentions...
* LT1_Harrison ACTION Harrison leads the way towards
the research labs where they hope to hole up... but all of a sudden, something
blobbish bursts through a loose air vent.
<LT1_Harrison> What the?
<SQD_McManus2> Stop it..
<PVT_Chabert2> ::Notices the bloobish thing::
Kitty kAt!
<SQD_McManus2> Kill it!
<PVT_Chabert2> Pet it!
You think the aliens are THAT stupid?
<SQD_Chabert> ::removes the safety pin from
his diaper and holds it up as a weapon::
* CPT_Wychin ACTION Blair's safety pin is one
of those child-proof pins...
The Captain's sense of humor grows daily...
<CPT_Wychin> ::grumbles quietly:: I hear any
more arm or hand jokes... I'm gonna start disarming people...
More bad jokes from the Captain...
<SQD_M_Thornside> <<Thanks, just where
am I and what's the penalty for being late ?>>
<SQD_Chabert> << you stuck in your underwear,
lost in a UFO, punishment enough ;)>>
* CPT_Wychin SETTING Thornside walks in behind
the team, wearing a diaper...
<CPT_Wychin> <<you asked for it...>>
<CPT_Wychin> Hey, we've got the diaper twins...
<CPT_Wychin> har har har
Yeah, we've all had one of these moments at some point...
[23:41] <PVT_Benny> ::blinks in confusion and loads rifle wondering where he had been for the past hour::
MacDuffe (a NAARO oldtimer) helps out by simming as a flower.
[23:47] <LT1_Malenkov> ::grins, and picks the flower:: Here's your flower, Saldana. ::Hands it to him::
[23:48] <PVT_Saldana> ::chews the flower:: thanks, boss. tastes reeeeal nice.
[23:48] <Flower_on_ground> ::hates being flower::
[23:48] <Flower_on_ground> GIT!
[23:48] <Flower_on_ground> Arrrrggghhhhh!!!!
[23:48] * Flower_on_ground dies
[23:49] <PVT_Saldana> ::stops:: sir, that flower just screamed "git", roared, and died?
[23:49] <PVT_Saldana> Uh... nevermind. ::carries on walking::
[23:49] * LT1_Malenkov ACTION The Flower falls through a plot hole, never to be seen again.
Gee, ya think?
[23:51] * LT1_Malenkov ACTION Up ahead, a clearing can be seen - complete with what used to be a weird combination of a native village and an armed guerilla camp.
[23:52] * LT1_Malenkov SETTING Now, most of it is charred ruins, although there obviously is some activity going on in there.
[23:53] <PVT_Wendell> +com+ sir? i got a Native village and a Guerilla camp sighted, they look close together maybe are same place +com+
The most important part of the after-action report...
[00:33] <PVT_Black> +com+ Uh... sir, despite the special insistance, no chicks were found in secured area. Sorry about that, Captain. We'll try next time.
[00:35] <PVT_Black> Well, the captain was most insistent we try to find some... you know what he's like...
[00:36] <FifthHorseman> Yeah, McManus hadn't been gettin' any for a while... :)